Birthday Wishes and Life Lessons
Things I've learned in 33 years...
Last Wednesday was my birthday and since it is also the start of the astrological new year, a time of introspection and reflection for me.
It got me wondering, if I could tell my younger self anything, what would it be? Or if there were lessons I had learned that were worth remembering, what would those be to carry forward to the next 3 or 30 years.
3 Things I’ve learnt in 33 years;
Follow your intuition - I’m sure by this point I sound like a broken record but if there have been any areas of regret in my life it has been when deep inside me I have known the answer to the questions I have been battling and chosen to listen to something else or someone else other than my gut feeling. Of course, it seems logical to weigh up the pros and cons of any given situation and go along with the best option, but sometimes what you know in your heart defies logic and articulation until sometime in the future when something clicks and it makes sense why what you did was the best thing. I do believe everything happens for a reason, whether that is a career choice, a personal choice or a series of things, always listen to your intuition. It can be easy to lose the whispers of that small still voice in the chaos of work, juggling the responsibility of life or be distracted by social media, but taking time to sit with what feels uneasy, in stillness is such an important part of getting to know your inner thoughts, feelings and desires, ultimately strengthening your intuition.
Only you have the power to change your life - There has been a notion for a long time that ‘you can’t teach an old dog new tricks’ implying that you are too old to change, to try something new or learn something new. Thanks to Carol Dweck we now know that this statement was probably concocted with someone with a growth mindset. Thanks to constantly emerging science it is clear that the brain has the ability to rewire itself, it can change and grow constantly. There is no need to blame old patterns and behaviours on the fact that someone is too old to learn something. You are allowed to be anything or anyone at any given moment in your life, you don’t need permission. You can keep growing, evolving, changing and adapting once you’ve made the decision to, no one is coming to rescue you, no one is coming to pull you out of your slump, no one is coming to save you, only you can do that.
Experiences over things - I love a new pair of shoes or a purse as the next person. I fall into the trap of consumerism every day without a doubt, especially when it is packaged so prettily, but I have never remembered something materialistic so fondly as the money I spent on experiences. Experiencing new things is a surefire way of encouraging neuroplasticity, the brain's ability to create new connections and adapt and grow. Opening yourself up to experiences where you might feel vulnerable is a beautiful way to grow and develop resilience. It keeps you open-minded.
3 Things to take into the next 33 years;
Less thought, more action - I have lost a lot of opportunities and confidence obsessing over ideas, people’s opinions and outcomes rather than going for something. It has taught me that nothing is more detrimental than playing it safe and not taking a risk; in the words of John Shedd “A ship in the harbour is safe but that is not what ships are built for”, in the same vein, I believe the things that we most desire, the person we hope to be is all on the other side of our comfort zone. If we can get comfortable with failure and fail often and fail fast, we can get to our desired outcome much faster than those who are too scared to even try. While the overthinker in me is always waiting for the product to be perfect, the doer has already launched the product badly, failed and learned the lessons to improve and grow. This year, I want to fail more and think a little less.
More boundaries - I envy those who have strong boundaries. I think strong boundaries are derived from knowing yourself and your values well. For those of us who grew up in environments that nurtured the people pleaser in us, it is very difficult to put ourselves first or not worry about how someone else might feel as a result of our actions. Over time I have learned how much I have hurt myself and been untrue to myself in so many situations. I have slowly begun implementing boundaries and it feels like the worst thing ever. It’s completely abnormal and uncomfortable when you’re not used to being so ‘firm’ about things, but I hope that overtime it becomes easier and second nature rather than a struggle.
Communication - I have also learnt that having a three-legged wooden wheelbarrow as a vehicle to implement my boundaries has been a challenge. As I get older, it has become more and more obvious why it is so essential to ensure good communication. Whether it is at work, in a friendship, relationship or any other aspect of life, being able to articulate what you want with tact and diplomacy is pretty much a super power. While I feel like I can relay these feelings in a much better way on paper, I really struggle to do it face-to-face sometimes. Thankfully, I know that like any skill, this is something that I can continue to learn and practice and maybe I will only get the desired result when I’m 60 but I know that changing this aspect of myself and improving it is a very possible and achievable notion.
Great life advice. I need to do a bit more of the less thought more action.